Let me ask you a big question: Do you live by your values?
Before we even graduate from high school, most of us have participated in interest inventories and career aptitude tests. By the time we graduate from college, our interests, studies, and skills have aligned. We anticipate we’re on a path best suited for our personality, talents, and education; we’re living by our values.
And yet…most of us don’t recognize the extent of our complexity. Our personal preferences and unique sense of values are buried under layers of expectations and demands. To add to the complexity, our values shift over time.
When we identify as, or claim to be, a specific type of person (kind, caring, and genuine), but our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors indicate otherwise (we are resentful, rude, and just want other people to fall into line), we may be unaware of our true values.
Of course, we are quick to notice when we see this happen in others. Our perception may be that they are inauthentic, manipulative, or fake; maybe even a hypocrite.
When We Don’t Live by Our Values
When our own behaviors are incongruent with what we claim to value, many of us have a physical reaction: a twinge, cringe, or moment when our body says, “no!”
But just as common, we learn to ignore these uncomfortable feelings. Eventually, we stop paying attention. We become mistaken about our own identity, unaware of the shift in our values.
This can manifest in a mid-career crisis. Our careers are moving along at a satisfactory pace, and one day we wonder, “How did I end up here?” I hear this sometimes in my coaching practice.
When Your Values Shift
In reality, our values are dynamic. With enough time or experience the hierarchy of our values can change. Typically, the shifts occur as a result of:
- New knowledge
- Social values and attitudes
- Personal experience
In a 2015 study, researchersValdiney V. Gouveia, Kátia C. Vione, Taciano L. Milfont, Ronald Fischerstudied more than 36,000 individuals across five geo-social regions and found that regardless of gender, values substantially change through-out our life span.
Your values are the underlying foundation of your inspiration, vision, and motivation. They help you set a course to what you believe truly matters; they guide you to purpose and fulfillment. Understanding when and how they shift will help you make adjustments and improvements—in performance, satisfaction, and happiness.
What do you think? Do you live by your values? What happens when your values shift? I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can call me at 561-582-6060, let’s talk. And as always, I can be reached here, or on LinkedIn.
