What is your model for positive confrontations?
If you’re anything like most people I speak with on this subject, one of the biggest obstacles in confronting someone is the blame game.
Consider the observation made by comedian George Carlin (yes, I am dating myself): anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac. It usually includes the question: “What is the matter with them?!”
But, what would happen if we approached these situations with compassion and curiosity? What if we were to ask ourselves, “What would lead a rational, reasonable, and reliable person to do that?”
By moving from a stance of blame to inquiry, we create a safer space for an actual exchange of ideas: the foundation for positive confrontations.
You see, when people feel safe, you can talk about almost anything. People feel safe when they believe that:
- They are respected as human beings; there is or could be mutual respect for the other
- There is regard for their goals; there is or could be mutual purpose
Even in situations when you don’t know the other person, you send a message about your level of respect and regard. Positive confrontations require that you set the right tone from the offset. When this topic comes up in my coaching conversations, we talk about ways to counter defensiveness, including the use of contrasting statements.
Set the Right Tone
Let’s say, for example, you encounter someone at work who is not wearing a face mask, even though it is a company policy.
Lead the conversation with a contrast, such as: “I don’t want you to think that I am criticizing you, your work, or your judgment. I just want to talk about our company policy regarding face masks, and how we can best support it.” Then, you can state the policy, why it is important to you, and close with a sincere question, such as, “What do you think?”
Listen to their response, and re-state or re-phrase what you heard them say (in positive terms and language), and ask them to commit to following company policy. Acknowledging their perspective (their thoughts, experience, feelings, and understanding) can go a long way toward mutual support, commitment, and adherence to policy.
What do you think? What is your model for positive confrontations? I’d love to hear from you. I can be reached here, on LinkedIn, or give me a call: 561-582-6060.
