How do you experience good grief? Is it even possible?
At some point in our life, we will experience loss and grief. It may be individual, collective, or even anticipatory. Our grief may lead us to ask, “What’s it really all about, anyway?” Debunking the myths of grief can help us manage the process, for ourselves, and others.
Debunk the Myths of Grief
Historically, grief has been described as a five-stage process, which I wrote about in my last post, here. However, critics argue that there is no sound scientific basis for Kübler-Ross’s stage theory. Placing expectations on yourself or others about needing to experience stages of grief can be harmful.
You see, grieving is not a sequential, orderly, predictable process across time. It is not a set pattern of specific reactions. Most bereaved people adjust to their loss in their own manner (i.e. not through stages) over the course of time, while others experience some of the described stages.
One thing we do know with certainty is that while there are different patterns of “normal” grieving, experiencing loss can involve complex, fluctuating, emotional reactions. Researchers have found that patterns vary greatly in terms of specific reactions, time-related changes, and duration of acute grieving period.
Good Grief: A Model to Manage Loss and Grief
First, let me say that the aim of theoretical models is to understand (and try to explain) the grieving process, not to be prescriptive about what people have to go through.
There are alternative scientific perspectives that better represent the course of grief and grieving. Chronologically, these include:
- Trajectories approach (Bonanno, 2004)
- Cognitive stress theory (Folkman, 2001)
- Meaning making approach (Neimeyer, 2001)
- Dual process model (Schut & Stroebe, 1999)
- New model of grief (Walter, 1996)
- Task model (Worden, 1982)
- Two-track model (Rubin, 1981)
- Psychosocial transition model (Parkes, 1971)
I have found that the search for meaning (meaning making approach) is a common response when we encounter loss, face challenges, and work through our grief. For many, it is a path through good grief.
I’ll dive into that in my next post. In the meantime, what do you think? What has been your experience and understanding of the grief process? I’d love to hear from you. I can be reached here, on LinkedIn, or give me a call: 561-582-6060.
