Can your anger be healthy? Some psychologists would say “yes,” provided we respond to, rather than react to our natural hard-wiring. Here are a few tips for leaders.
- Explore what happened/happens when you experience anger.
As uncomfortable as it may be, ask yourself what your role was in the situation. The trigger for your anger may originate with your actions, but all you can see is the actions of others. Were you thoughtful, just and kind? This is not about blame or shame, rather, it’s about identifying where you do have control, and what is within your control, for skillful and effective leadership. - Evaluate perceived threats.
I wrote a bit about this in my first post in this series. Examine why you feel threatened enough to express anger. In the grand scheme of things, was your response in proportion to the threat level? Looking through this relative lens may offer a more objective perspective, and help you recover on a higher road. - Expect to encounter difficulties.
Being human is an inherently emotional journey; even the best leaders are not exempt. When you consider the things you find annoying and anger-inducing, are they that unusual or are they fairly typical occurrences? Lines at checkouts grow all the time. Traffic jams are a part of life. Expect them and don’t let them get to you. The world is full of difficulties. Lowering your expectations of a hassle-free life will allow you to handle the frustrations and disappointments with less tension. A greater sense of peace diminishes the tendency for anger.
The most powerful tip to experience healthy anger is to recognize and acknowledge unhealthy (and destructive) behavior. Being honest with yourself will require you to look at your own actions, and avoid blaming others. Fear and shame often play a role in unhealthy (and destructive) anger. Consider working with a trusted mentor or coach.
You can learn to adjust to setbacks, measure your responses, consider others and experience healthy anger. After all, don’t you and the people you lead deserve the best work environment possible?
What do you think? Is your anger healthy? I’d love to hear from you. You can call me at 561-582-6060, let’s talk. And as always, I can be reached here or on LinkedIn.
