Whenever emotions are involved, conversations get tricky. It’s easy to get hooked by anger; even experienced leaders are vulnerable. But each year, millions of employees either disengage from their jobs or leave them entirely when leaders lose control.
Anger at the leadership level is an age-old issue. We’ve all seen it, if not experienced it first hand. Despite greater focus on self-assessment, workplace behavior and anger management, it has improved little in recent years. Why is that?
Hooked by Anger
We are not actually hard-wired to sit down and have an open conversation with someone when there’s a problem. Rather, emotions stimulate our amygdala, and our impulse is to blast someone, clam up or avoid them all together. Such responses can be instantaneous and destructive, especially for leaders.
Anger is almost never a primary emotion; there’s always some other feeling that preceded. Noted sociologist Dr. Millard Bienvenu claimed that anger is prompted by a perceived threat that has a personal impact of some kind. Anger is a response to the threat, and can be observable or hidden, sudden or delayed.
Threats can represent various levels of impact, influencing the degree of response. Think of it as a defensive readiness condition (DEFCON):
- Threats pose physical danger, either personally or to someone you care about.
- Threats pose setback or imposition; something troubling or gravely disappointing. This could involve a ruined plan or a denial of something felt deserved.
- Threats pose an inconvenience or annoyance. Waiting longer than expected in a line, or an untimely traffic jam would fit into this category.
Threats can also be subdued or subtle, where the recipient feels unfairly treated. These situations can instill a sense of not being valued or appreciated. Threats like these cut deeply, affecting one’s self-esteem, perhaps the most potent threat of all. We typically respond with anger when people indicate we have little value.
If we can’t comfort ourselves through self-validation, we’ll need to do so through invalidating others. ~ Leon F Seltzer Ph.D., Evolution of the Self, Psychology Today
What do you think? When was the last time you were hooked by anger? I’d love to hear from you. You can call me at 561-582-6060, let’s talk. And as always, I can be reached here or on LinkedIn.
