When you hear “leadership vulnerability,” what comes to mind?
In my work as a coach, I often see how the word vulnerability generates negative impressions for leaders because of past experiences—their own or people they know. Generally, vulnerable situations don’t go well, so leaders do what they can to avoid them. They see vulnerability as having their weaknesses or mistakes exposed, which leads to criticism of their abilities or character.
But as Dr. Brené Brown found in her 12 years of research, “vulnerability is not weakness, but rather our clearest path to courage, engagement, and meaningful connection.” (Daring Greatly, Penguin, 2013). If this is true, why do so many leaders still avoid being vulnerable?
Perhaps we’re still clinging to long-standing myths about experiencing or demonstrating any emotion in business:
- It’s unbecoming
- Undermines authority
- Reveals a lack of control
- Conveys irrationality
- Indicates weakness and vulnerability
- Isn’t masculine
- Is too feminine
As Emma Seppälä describes in What Bosses Gain by Being Vulnerable, vulnerability tends to be accepted as a weakness. Leaders can be seen as being unknowledgeable or incapable, unconfident, soft or ineffective. It’s time to debunk these myths.
Dispelling Your Fear
Perhaps it’s how we perceive criticism. When leaders believe that criticism reflects negatively on them, a number of possible fears come to mind. Their worth in the organization feels devalued, which ultimately means that they are devalued. They sense they are appreciated less, trusted less, and likely not to be viewed as capable of handling challenges.
Leaders often anticipate feeling vulnerable in these types of scenarios:
- Promoting a new project that doesn’t succeed because of inaccurate assumptions.
- Misjudging someone’s proposal and realizing the error.
- Needing help from a colleague when the relationship is damaged or strained.
- Trusting the unproven skills of a key team member on an important project.
- Applying principles learned in a prior field that don’t really work in a new field.
However, the most successful leaders have learned that these kinds of seemingly vulnerable situations don’t need to portray weakness at all. Everyone makes mistakes, but it is a strong character that is willing to own up to them. Expressing need and being honest and up-front about mistakes reflects an inner strength that doesn’t rely on the approval of others, but rather confidence in oneself. Advances in soft leadership skills are overturning negative thinking about vulnerability and finding ways to make it positive.
What do you think? What leadership scenarios spark feelings of vulnerability for you? What fears stop you from expressing vulnerability? I’d love to hear from you. You can call me at 561-582-6060, let’s talk. And as always, I can be reached here, or on LinkedIn.
