How do you measure likeability?
We like people who we find interesting, familiar, trustworthy, positive, non-judgmental, and authentic, who are interested in us and with whom we have similarities. I wrote about this in my last post. To be sure, how we perceive others is our reality, and vice-versa: how others perceive us is their reality. Nonetheless, likeability does matter.
When this topic comes up with my coaching clients, we talk about how individuals subconsciously measure likeability by:
- Friendliness
- Interesting/Interested
- Familiarity
- Similarity (experiences, values, beliefs, physical attributes)
- Positivity
- Open-minded/non-judgmental
- Authenticity/vulnerability
But what about those differences in values?
In 2017, the Pew Research Center published an article on the traits or characteristics of men and women valued most by (American) society. Surveyed respondents indicated honesty/morality as number one for men (33%), and physical attractiveness for women (35%).
I don’t find this particularly shocking, especially when you consider how subtle sexism can be. Clearly, there is still a lot of work to do to address gender bias, stereotypes, and discrimination.
What We Value
Below is the list of traits or characteristics valued most according to respondents.
Two questions arise from this survey:
- Is there a difference between what the individual respondent values, and what they perceive is valued by society?
- Considering the research recently published in The Economic Journal (which I referenced in my previous post), how do we gauge honesty/morality based on a photograph, or physical attributes?
To be sure, our values, and differences in values, influence likeability. Scientific research has yet to identify exactly how much. But we do know that likeability is the combination of characteristics including, (but not limited to) interest, empathy, and genuineness. Ultimately, likeability is defined and determined by the criteria of others.
“People will forget what you said and what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou
What do you think? How do you measure likeability? I’d love to hear from you. You can call me at 561-582-6060, let’s talk. And as always, I can be reached here, or on LinkedIn.
