Are you a curious negotiator?
I’ve been thinking a lot about our need for better negotiation skills. Negotiating is about coping with complexity. To succeed, negotiators must be prepared, but more importantly, they must be prepared to cope with rapid change and mistakes. Agility and curiosity is the best approach.
We often act out of habit, without question. To be sure, it’s difficult to admit our common human condition of thinking we know more than we do. When this topic comes up with my coaching clients, we talk about how the ego protects itself. You see, we gravitate toward feelings of certainty. In that state of mind we’re unlikely to ask questions.
Instead, what if we were to practice being a good questioner? The first step is to recognize your own feelings of discomfort or self-consciousness with not knowing. Give yourself permission to ask naïve questions. With a beginner’s mind, you open possibilities.
You see, when people do ask questions, they’re often relying on assumptions and biases. Even if you don’t yet know “how,” it’s important to ask “why” and “what if” questions. And remember to listen well.
Negotiation is the exploration of the scope of the issues, the best means for resolution, and the nature of your relationship with counterparts. When negotiations stall, you might just need to go back to the exploration stage.
What is Your BATNA?
Negotiations often fail when we cut corners, rush to solutions, and accept proposed solutions—even when our best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA) would have been better. Similarly, failure also occurs when a solution can’t be implemented.
Remember our breakfast scenario from my two previous posts? If you had reached a point of exasperation in that negotiation scenario and said to your children, “eat what I made, or go hungry,” a stalemate would likely ensue. And it’s really no surprise.
According to the Harvard Law School Program on Negotiation, negotiations fail when strong emotions come in to play. Instead of objectively discussing a proposed solution, comparing it to your BATNA, and making a rational choice, threats are issued.
While some critics argue that a BATNA encourages positional bargaining, others point to the objectivity and assurance an alternative provides. A well thought out BATNA, or estimated alternatives to a negotiated agreement (EATNA), increases your confidence, identifies your alternatives, and helps you to recognize subpar and best solutions.
The art of negotiation requires preparation and agility. With practice, you’ll see positive progress while maintaining positive relationships during the process.
What do you think? Are you a curious negotiator? What other preparations do you make for negotiations? I’d love to hear from you. You can call me at 561-582-6060, let’s talk. And as always, I can be reached here, or on LinkedIn.
